Most of my time has been spent editing another article of mine. I started writing it over a year and a half ago but I never felt like it was good enough to post. I fear it may never see the light of day even though my wife tells me it’s done and she likes it.
I just don’t feel like it is. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, rewriting paragraphs in my head, finding different ways of expressing my point of view, and reading it over and over again only to add a comma. it gives me headaches. And so, I haven’t written anything new in months.
Throughout this whole editing process, I’ve been wanting to write about one of the greatest sedans of our century, but instead, I decided to drive myself crazy writing a piece that I’m not even sure I’ll post. But this car has been on my mind for too long now, so here it goes.

In 2003 Mercedes released the E55 AMG, the fastest sedan in the world. But also one of the fastest cars in the world altogether. 

The paralysing speed and the mountain-moving amount of power are the main attractions of the E55. On its release year, the magazine Car And Driver said they could not fathom how a sedan as heavy as this could stay wheel to wheel with a Ferrari 575M Maranello F1. But with 469bhp and a whopping 700Nm of torque, it’s actually not all that surprising. Because that’s a crazy amount of power, even by today’s standards. It’s so much power, in fact, that the traction control system struggles to keep the car on the road. Newer cars of the same power have a very sophisticated traction control system, equipped with enough processing power to make hundreds of thousands of calculations a second, making sure that the most amount of power is transmitted to the road while losing as little traction as possible, all that with enough computer power left to land a space shuttle on Pluto. The E55 is 19 years old, and its computers are too ancient, so when you put your foot down you will burn some serious rubber over 3 blocks. The traction control system is basically hopeless when faced with the monstrous power the M113K engine produces. 

Most people don’t understand why anyone would need that kind of power. And to be fair, you probably don’t need it, but I can guarantee that you want it. If you use the car every day, as I did, you’ll find that having that much power available instantly (thanks to the supercharger) is a real luxury. Besides being able to win basically every race you’ll get into, 469bhp and 700Nm means that you’ll leave the red light in second gear instead of first. And that makes the ride smoother because you’re not changing gears as often, so less vibration or sound from the drivetrain. It also means that you don’t need to downshift to overtake, press a little harder on the right pedal, you’ll hear a little whine from the supercharger, and off you go. Once again, no gear change and thus a smooth as silk overtake. You get the drift: this amount of power allows the E55 to reach a level of ride quality that is now a benchmark in my book. All that is thanks to the fact that the AMG has what most people describe as an unnecessary amount of power.

All that horsepower goes through a 5-speed automatic gearbox with a “manual” mode. It shifts very slowly by today’s standards, but it fits the car perfectly. It doesn’t need to change gears like a race car. Why would it? Stay in 5th and you’ll still beat most cars who want to play with you on the highway. And if you do need to downshift, you’ll make up the time you lost changing gears with the rocket-ship amount of power you’re about to put down. No car is safe. You are going to catch up. Remember, this AMG has more torque than a McLaren F1, and torque is what wins races. So the 0.5-second lost downshifting is not a problem.

Coming back on the topic of comfort and luxury, the AMG has multi-directional dynamic memory massaging seats. What this means is that the two front seats have 3 settings each that will memorise your seating position. Sit down, press the number that you programmed as yours, and the seat will move into your preferred position.
The side bolster will also move. As in, if you’re driving hard into a right-hand corner, so you’re sliding to the left of your seat, an air pump will inflate and stiffen up the left bolster to support the weight of your body shifting. Using the same air pump, you can adjust the support for each and every of your lumbar. And if all of this is not enough for you, it can also give you a massage.

Continuing with air pumps, the E55 has adjustable air suspension. Mercedes calls it Airmatic, sounds fancy, right? This suspension system is yet another reason why the AMG is so comfortable. The stiffness of the ride changes depending on the setting you choose. The car will raise up at the click of a button when you need to go over a big bump, or it will lower itself automatically over 45mph for better stability.

Like the Land Rover LR3, which shares a similar system, you have to talk about the reliability of that kind of suspension set-up. And like the LR3, it really isn’t as bad as most people make it sound. I had a couple issues, sure, but it ended up being a faulty relay, 10$ and it was fixed. Good to go for another 10 years. And yes, like the LR3 again, you can buy a set of coilovers if you’d like to get rid of the fantastic Airmatic system Mercedes engineered. The drawbacks about the coilovers is the price, and the fact that I’ll call you an idiot for putting them on this car. They are also stiffer than the Air suspension, and they don’t rise or lower unless you lift the car, grab your tools and do it yourself.  

It obviously has cruise control. But the system the E55 has is better than most cars of its era.
I can’t tell you how the cruise control system works because I don’t understand it. But it’s very intuitive to use and incredibly convenient on long road trips. The car won’t go over the speed you’ve set, but the E55 will automatically slow down if the car in front is slowing down. Then, if the coast is clear, it will go back up to the set speed without you having to move your foot once. It’s a remarkably well-designed system for its time. Remember, the E55 AMG is 19 years old. The first MP4 player was released the same year the E55 was.
While Dell was happy about inventing a USB key that plays music, Mercedes was made a car that could massage you, move its seat bolsters in corners for better body support, go so fast you might as well be teleporting, and adapt its speed using lasers, Sci-fi technology, and a little black magic. That, ladies and gentlemen, is called German engineering.

The first thing you’ll notice when you’re not sitting in this cocoon of luxury, comfort and power, is that it’s not a very noticeable car. Only a few things differ between the AMG and its base model counterpart. The beauty of it lies in the details. The slightly wider arches hide one of the most beautiful stock wheels ever made. The wider, more defined side skirts. The bigger, and meaner bumpers. And, the piece de résistance, the four chromed, AMG labelled, exhaust pipes. Critics from the early 2000s decided that it was too understated, that if they bought a car like this, they’d want to be seen and not go under the radar as this car does. But I disagree.
First of all, the Mercedes clientele, at that time, did indeed want to drive by unnoticed. Second of all, I don’t need to have a massive wing, a loud exhaust, and air vents on my hood to prove that my car is fast; I’ll just put my foot on the floor and let the guy who just lost the race figure it out for himself.
What’s the stereotype about guys who drive lifted trucks already? Because I’m tempted to make the link between penis size and the desired look the auto journalists wanted for this car, but that would be childish. I’m way too mature for that.

The E55 AMG is probably another car my father will add to the list of bad financial decisions I’ve made. But, it became one of my all-time favourite cars ever, no matter how poor I was after buying it. This car is on my mind often enough to send me to a mental institution. I can’t wait for the day I own another one.
It is so good, and the impact it had on me was so great, that it pushed me to drop the article that was giving me a hard time so that I could write about something I truly enjoyed. For the first time in over a month, I’m writing with a smile on my face.

Max