Did you know that the sticker you find on a fruit means something? It’s true! Frank, who’s a friend of mine, told me so. He told me the apple I was eating was genetically modified, and he knew that because the combination of numbers on the sticker said so. But thanks to my infinite wisdom, I don’t need a sticker and some numbers to figure that out. I was eating a Cosmic Crisp, which is by far the crunchiest, juiciest, and sugariest apple on earth. Of course, it’s genetically modified. There is no way Mother Nature could have made something so good all by herself; she needed a Man’s touch.

Frank, who gets his nutritional education from Joe Rogan and Dana White, told me he’d never eat a Cosmic Crisp. He only eats organic foods because they’re better for his health.

But, are they?

Is it actually better to have an organic apple as opposed to my delicious Cosmic Crisp? And if so, by how much? How many days, weeks, or years will I lose if I eat a genetically modified fruit? The hipsters and the vegan community will claim that it’s a lot of years, but I won’t stand for this. They’re both apples that grew with pesticides on and around them, and claiming that one is better than the other is ridiculous.​

What my friend and the people who shop at Whole Foods are trying to say is that they don’t like that the Cosmic Crisp is genetically modified. Because it’s not authentic, it’s seen as a lesser version of the original. Thus making the overly health-conscious people feel lied to, much like petrolheads with fake engine sounds in cars.

Most enthusiasts don’t like the idea that the BMW i8, for example, pumps V8 noises in the cabin when it’s actually powered by a lawnmower engine. It’s disingenuous, they say.

What really sends them fuming are the electric cars that play artificial engine sounds through the speakers. In a Hyundai IONIQ 5N, you can choose between three different engines, and the car will fake gear changes so that you can go through the rev range. Crazy, right?

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I was listening to a podcast while driving a little Seat Ibiza up a mountain road a few years ago.

In the podcast, they sampled about 45 seconds of Porsche Carrera GT engine sounds, followed by 45 seconds of the Lexus LFA, and, I kid you not, I felt faster. Not because the Ibiza had magically gained power, but because I now had a screaming V10 engine in my ears as I drove. I could have sworn it was my engine, even though I only had 95bhp from a 3-cylinder turbo. My senses were tricked. My ears overlapped what I was hearing with what I was doing, and my brain couldn’t tell the difference. It was all fake, I know, but why would that prevent me from enjoying what ultimately was a wonderful time?

I see no problem with fake engine sounds because I’m a man who understands that to get what you want in life, you sometimes have to force your will upon it. We wanted electric cars but didn’t want to lose the sound of an engine, so we made them fake it for us. We wanted the crunchiest, juiciest, and sugariest apple on earth, so we made one exactly the way we wanted. The pursuit of authenticity is ultimately preventing us from experiencing an elevated version of reality. A reality that we can literally tailor to our desire.

You see, it really isn’t as bad as they make it seem, so just enjoy life.

Max.