From Urbandictionary.com : 

The Fuckening :

When your day goes too exceptionally well and something comes along to ruin it. 

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It’s Thursday, and the sun is shining over the beautiful snow-covered mountains. My wife and I are driving to the dealership with our windows down because it’s a dry 10°C, and that’s not bad for February in the French Alps. We’re going to try out a Volkswagen T-Roc today. Being a VW, and German, I figured it would probably be a good enough car to spend the day in, maybe take some pictures of it in a secluded mountain village.

While waiting for the salesman of the dealership to give me the keys, all I can do for the moment is judge the looks of the T-Roc. It vaguely resembles an Audi Q2, and that’s because they share the same platform. VW owns Audi so might as well save some money and reuse some of the parts left from the Q2s production. Although it has some Audi DNA, you can still see the Golf inspired lines. Top Gear calls it a “Beefy looking tall Golf” and It does look a little like that.

The keys are finally in my hand, and I’m surprised because it’s the same set of keys as our Seat Ibiza. With hindsight, I shouldn’t be surprised because VW also owns Seat (What don’t they own?) and if they are willing to reuse the Audi platform, it seems logical to recycle a keyfob and simply change the logo. In my opinion, it’s a bit of a cheap move but hey, let’s not get bogged down, with a bit of luck VW also recycled the driving sensation of the Golf and gave it to the T-Roc.

After this slightly too in-depth analysis of the keyfob, I sat in the car, turned it on, and there it was – The Fuckening.

For starters, I was not comfortable. The seats were hard, and the steering wheel was too far away from me. Usually, you can adjust the steering wheel, but I couldn’t possibly figure out how. So either there is no way of adjusting it, which is lame, or there is in fact a way, but it is as complicated as landing a rocket on Venus, and that’s lamer.

It gets worse when you’re driving. It’s a harsh ride, too harsh. Even though it has a high ride height and biggish tires, every pothole, bump, or beatle I drove over fractured my spine, or at the very least worsened my scoliosis.

There is a lot of wind and road noise, but you might have to deal with that because the sound system is so bad it isn’t going to be a better alternative. I played exactly 3 songs before turning the music off because of the splitting headache the sound system was giving me. I ended up pulling over to play with the equalizer for a bit; I managed to figure out a good enough sound balance to play music without bleeding out of my eardrums. There is a BOSE system available as an option, and it is considerably better.

At this point, I already hated the T-Roc, and we’d only been on the road for 30 minutes. We had planned a two-hour trip but we couldn’t complete it. My wife was miserably uncomfortable in the passenger seat and I couldn’t stand driving a car that communicated no information whatsoever. So little communication in fact, it frightened me.

The T-Roc is equipped with a few different driving aids. The main and most annoying one is the lane assist. The idea sounds good on paper; it’s a computer that monitors if you’re diving in the centre of your lane, and if you’re not, it will correct you. That means the car will move the steering wheel for you and align the car where it thinks it should be.
First of all, I know how to drive and I find it infuriating that a computer thinks it knows better than I do. Second of all, it’s incredibly distracting, and borderline dangerous, to have the steering wheel fight against you when you’re in the middle of a corner and the computer thinks you’re not where you’re supposed to be.
To sum up the driving sensations, the brake pedal was too hard, the throttle was too soft, the steering was dead and they all three felt like triggers on an old PS3 controller. For those of you who don’t know, that means they were as connected to the road as a book is connected to the internet.

As some of you may know, I’m not a fan of diesel engines. They vibrate, make a terrible noise, and smell. This 2.0L Diesel is no exception. It’s also paired with an automatic transmission that VW calls the DSG, but I prefer the name POS. It’s slow, jerky and has no idea when to upshift when driving downhill.

Needless to say that, at the end of the day, when I gave the keys back to the dealership, I was glad to sit back in our trusted little Seat Ibiza. At least, the Ibiza feels like a Golf, unlike the T-Roc which has nothing to do with its much better sibling.

I will now go on Urbandictionary.com and suggest a new definition for The Fuckening : 

The Fuckening :

When your day goes exceptionally well and the Volkswagen T-Roc comes along to ruin it.